Knowing what children are to “do” is not the difficulty. It is clearly stated in Exodus 20:12, “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the LORD your God gives you.” NAS However, this is not the place to begin the discussion on God-ordained children. The discussion on children must begin with one on parenting. Before there were children on the earth there were parents. (I know, technically speaking that is impossible, but you know what I mean.) Parenting is really no different than discipling in general. With children we begin the discipling process with a much cleaner slate. By “much cleaner” I mean we are all born with the sin nature but a baby is more impressionable than a teenager. So in asking, which came first, the discipline of children or the honoring of parents, I believe the answer is the former. I believe God calls parents to raise children who honor Him. Those who know what it means to honor God will, in turn, honor their parents. A child cannot truly honor his parent who does not honor his Maker. Children always have the option to rebel. However, I believe few do who have been taught to honor God. Who then, has the final responsibility to raise Godly children?

The answer to that one used to be simple, MOM. After all, she was the one who was home all the time. She was there to send the kids off to school, she was there to help at school functions and she was home when the kids got home. Dad, on the other hand, had the responsibility of providing for the family. Dad brings home the bacon, mom is suppose to nurture the kids. Right?

Although something has happened to that scenario it still remains the basis upon which many people establish the raising of children. Since mom and dad now share the role of provider, some would say, they must now share the responsibility of nurturing the children. That ignores the impact on children of spending more time outside the home in child “care” than inside the home where the biological parent is the “model” of life for the child. It ignores the fact that someone other than mom and dad is the primary influence in the child’s life and that the mold in which the child is being formed can never have the integrity of that of the parents. The most important aspect for our consideration, however, is that it also doesn’t conform to Scripture. Let’s scrap the scenario’s we have known in the past and go back to Scripture.

Although we looked at God-ordained husbands, we have not looked at God-ordained fathers. What is the role of dad? Using the scenario of our culture, the role of the husband and dad is to “provide” for his family. Without going into a protracted discussion, let me refer you to Matthew 6:33 “But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness; and all these things [food, clothing and drink, all that which sustains life] shall be added to you.” NAS If we are willing to allow God to define our needs it is clear those needs will be met by Him as we seek first His kingdom and His righteousness. Perhaps you would say, as I did when first challenged with this concept, “What of 1 Timothy 5:8? “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever.” NAS First, the Greek word “provide” here literally means “to consider in advance.” This is also translated “regard” in the New American Standard version. Man is admonished in this verse not to ignore his family. Second, “he has denied the faith” indicates he has stopped relying on God and has begun relying on himself. Contrary to our cultural norm, this verse is not a call from God for man to calculate and determine the future of his family. The Biblical definition for “provide” is far different from the American concept of provision. Accepting the promise of Matthew 6:33 establishes that God is the provider for all mankind. It also still leaves us with the question, “What then is the role of dad especially as it relates to children?”

I believe the role of the father is made clear as we look at Scripture: “Only give heed to yourself and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things which your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life; but make them known to your sons and your grandsons.” Deuteronomy 4:9 NAS

The first role of a husband and father is to keep his life focused on God. He is told to “give heed to yourself and keep your soul diligently.” One who is in proper relationship with God will not forget that God is the maker, the sustainer and the purpose for life; he will not get caught up in the selfishness of life or distracted by the temporal “pleasures” which draw one away from God. The heart of man is to belong to God and Him alone.

Having given heed to himself and his heart, fathers are to make known to their sons and their grandsons the things of God. Deuteronomy 6:69 describes the manner in which fathers are to teach their sons, “And these words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart; and you shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. And you shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. And you shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” NAS Every aspect of dad’s life is to be used to convey to sons and grandsons the principles of God. Other Scriptures convey the same meaning, “Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6 NAS “And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4 NAS I believe THE role of a father, for all children, is Spiritual, not physical.

For a moment, set aside all you have been taught about parenting and look at these scriptures. What do you see as being God’s focus for fathers? Is it the need for temporal provision: living in the right neighborhood, having enough to eat, attending the right church? No, it is none of those things. God gives the responsibility to a father to teach his children and his grandchildren, the relationship they are to have with God, their heavenly Father.

It is no accident that God refers to Himself as our Father. If we look at the Scriptures, and if we look at God as our Father, we see that fathers are to teach their children how to live a righteous life that they may grow up into the likeness of the Heavenly Father.

You say, “I thought this was going to be on God-ordained children and all you have talked about has been God-ordained fathers.” Guilty! However, I believe you cannot discuss the God-ordained role of a child without a discussion on how that child is to achieve the ability to fulfill their role. God-ordained children are to “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the LORD your God gives you.” Exodus 20:12 NAS One cannot have a proper concept of “honor” until one knows of God, His authority over us, His relationship with us and how that flows to and through human institutions such as marriage and family.

The importance of honoring parents is reflected in the punishment God ordains for those who violate this command. “And he who strikes his father or his mother shall surely be put to death.” Exodus 21:15 NAS “And he who curses his father or his mother shall surely be put to death.” Exodus 21:17 NAS

Dishonoring a parent, in the eyes of God, is worthy of death. Why? Isn’t this a harsh discipline? No, not when we realize that earthly fathers represent the authority of God. Earthly mothers reflect the humility of Christ. Children are to be responsive to and reflective of those in authority over them. Children who do not represent/reflect/honor those over them are in rebellion. God says, “For rebellion is as the sin of divination, And insubordination is as iniquity and idolatry.” 1 Samuel 15:23 NAS Look at God’s command to parents of stubborn and rebellious children, “If any man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey his father or his mother, and when they chastise him, he will not even listen to them, then his father and mother shall seize him, and bring him out to the elders of his city at the gateway of his home town. And they shall say to the elders of his city, 'This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey us, he is a glutton and a drunkard.' Then all the men of his city shall stone him to death; so you shall remove the evil from your midst, and all Israel shall hear of it and fear.” Deuteronomy 21:1821 NAS God, not Jewish culture, says that rebellion in a child is such a serious offense that it requires death of one caught up in it. A child rebelling against parents has already rebelled against God. Rebellion against God tears at the very foundation of our society, a society established by God to honor God.

It is clear, God-ordained children are a product of spiritual teaching and discipline. There is no room in parenting for statements like “he’s just wired that way”, “its just the terrible twos”, “we all go through a ‘phase’ like this.” No, we should see rebellion for what it is, the destroyer of people and entire societies.

By the way, I am not advocating the stoning of rebellious children. I am, though, advocating that we stop raising rebellious children, that we stop accepting the rebellion around us in children big and small and that we stop defining dad’s job as being one which God has said He will do if we are faithful.

Imagine the incentive for parents in Old Testament times to “train up a child in the way they should go.” They knew that if they raised a rebel their child would be stoned. The parents would not hesitate to turn over a rebellious child and the community would not hesitate to stone the child because any rebellion separated them from God.

God-ordained children are those who are raised with a clear view of who God is and the relationship they are to have in Him. The primary responsibility of a child to be God-ordained children rests with dad. It is his role as dad, I find no other, to meet the spiritual needs of his wife and children. That should take his full attention.

That does not discount a man’s role in society, it merely puts it into perspective. A man’s labor should never interfere with and should be in conjunction with the teaching of his children of the values of God. Fathers must not lose that focus.