July/August 2001
Volume 12 No. 4 |
Richard L. Roberts
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God-Ordained Families
"Obey My voice, and I will be your God, and you will be My people” Jeremiah 7:23 NAS
To arrive at the God-ordained family we have looked, through separate articles, at each of the components of family from God’s perspective. As we have looked at each role we see family quite different than what we have today. In this article we put these roles together to form one picture. This family is possible only as God, through His Spirit, works through us.
Personal Relationship
In our “doing” society it is difficult to remember that we are related to God and that it is that relationship which is to drive every moment of our life. Until we are able to let go of the “doing” in life we will not have the freedom or the focus to be who God has designed us to be individually, in the family, in the church or in our community. As long as “doing” is our focus we will live a life of comparison and failure.
Jesus, however, described our life in terms of a very intimate relationship with Him and the Father. He said, “Abide in me and I in you.” (John 15:4) He reiterates that intimacy in His prayer for us in John 17:20-21, “I do not ask in behalf of these alone, but for those also who believe in Me through their word {that’s us}; that they may all be one; even as Thou, Father, art in Me, and I in Thee, that they also may be in Us; that the world may believe that Thou didst send Me.” NAS This is not a relationship based on what we do or how we do it. It is a relationship based on who we are in Christ. When that relationship is in proper focus EVERYTHING else is in proper focus. As long as that relationship is out of focus we will be bound by what we feel and what we do resulting in everything in life being skewed and out of focus.
Personal relationship is foundational to living the God-ordained life, that life for which He made us. Where is your focus today? How do you measure the value of your day, by the things you do or by the truth of who you are in Christ regardless of what you do? Can you characterize your day as being one of freedom, joy, peace and contentment in who you are as a child of God, or would you characterize it by how many things went your way throughout the day as a whole? Do you know who you are in Christ? Are you living the reality of that intimacy? Only when you are living that relationship can you be balanced in the God-ordained roles and responsibilities He lives through you.
The modern concept of human relationships is “everyone is the same.” Were that concept given even a cursory examination it would be seen as absurd. It is like saying that because an arm and a kidney are a part of a body they are the same. Would anyone agree to that kind of thinking? NO! Neither can we accept as same the role of man and woman, husband and wife or parent and child. God made each role for a separate function in the same way in which He made different parts of the body to have different functions.
Let me say here that I believe discussions of “equality” are a ruse developed by Satan. A servant of the Father does not regard the role of another but only his own role before the Master. Personal measurements with others takes your eyes off the Master and have no place in the life of a servant. The question is not how you compare with another. The question is, “How do you compare with who God has made you to be?” Bottom line: Are you being faithful?
Husband & Father
A husband’s role, as ordained by God, is to be the head of his household as Christ is head of the church. (1 Corinthians 11:3) That means there is NO room for abdicating this responsibility to his wife because he feels inadequate or to someone else because he thinks they are more gifted than he is.
We have seen that a husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her. That love focuses a husband on the spiritual need of his wife and puts that spiritual need above his own interests including his interest in his own life. Ephesians 5:25-27 defines the husband’s role as being to sanctify his wife that she may be found holy and blameless. To this purpose he is to give his life.
In like manner, the role of a father is to nurture his children in the spiritual sense. He is to bring up his children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4) Everything a father does is to be a learning experience for his children. Children are to be able to look at their father and see Jesus Christ.
So, men, how are you doing? Is your foundation and focus on who you are in the eyes of your own Father, God? Is your goal in life to nurture your wife and children in the Lord? Are you willing to give your life to this end? What of your job? Your lifestyle? The future financial security of your family? Are you willing to do whatever the Holy Spirit leads that your family may be sanctified, holy and blameless before God?
A husband and father who understands his personal relationship with God (who he is, not what he does) is properly equipped to minister to his wife and children in the manner in which God has made him.
Wife & Mother
The role of the wife is to submit to her husband as unto the Lord. (Ephesians 5:22) Although this is easier for a wife to do when she knows his primary desire is for her spiritual well being and that he is empowered by the Holy Spirit, these are not conditions for her submission. She is commanded to submit to and respect her husband. Her focus is not to be on her husband, to judge how good a job he is doing or to correct him when he is wrong, but on the Lord who has promised to protect her under the authority of her husband. The role of the mother in the household is to support and uphold the leadership provided by the husband in the nurture of the children. She is also admonished to train her daughters to do the same for those whom God gives them as lifetime partners. (Titus 2:3-5)
Children
The role of the children is to honor their parents. They are to honor their father in the role God has given him and their mother in the role God has given her. Attempts to subvert the will of the parents is an attempt to subvert the will of God and is active rebellion before God. God says, “Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6 NAS
Understanding the roles of each member of the family allows us to see a continuum of authority flowing from God the Father through the entire family structure. We can also readily see where the American family has fallen apart because we fail to uphold the roles in the family as God has ordained them. God has not made a “dominant” gender. God never intended for a woman to compete with a man. She has always been made to be a helpmate. Man was never ordered to “provide” for his family in the sense our culture defines. The rebellion of children was never to be allowed. Divorce, multiple marriages, adultery, step-families, fornication, pregnancy out of wedlock, women leading men --- none of it is in God’s design. How can we expect families to work when we have so blatantly ignored His design for them?
I am defining personal responsibility as the carrying out of the God-ordained role He has given each of us. That is, “How do I live out who God has made me to be?”
It is interesting to notice how the discussion of husband and wife roles, in particular, seems to totally ignore Biblical standards of conduct for Christians in general. Perhaps that is because there is no emphasis on personal relationship as being foundational to all other relationships. Let’s look at Scriptures which define ones personal relationship with God and others. Then we can look at how that works as a foundation for the roles of each member of the family.
Perhaps Philippians 2:3-4 is the Readers Digest explanation of how we are to view others, "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others." NAS Then God tells us how to apply this selfless service to others.
One Anothering
The overwhelming command telling us to “one another” one another is that to “love” one another. The word love, here, is the same word, used in the command that a husband is to love his wife. This is significant! We learn how to love our spouse first by learning to love our brothers and sisters in Christ. Your personal relationship with God the Father teaches the selfless love needed in a marriage situation. Is it any wonder God tells us not be bound with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14)? It is impossible for a nonbeliever to have true love which only comes from God. (A little hint here, if loving is not a part of a person’s character, they will not be able to love in a marriage, believer or not.) Love of others is a key factor to considering others above one’s self.
The 29 other “one another” categories include encourage, serve, admonish, speak the truth, build up, comfort and be of the same mind. All of which, applied inside or outside the family, make for living together in peace because selfishness has been removed. In essence, a healthy “one another’r” in The Body of Christ will make a healthy mate.
Family
So how does all this make for a God-ordained family? With God as our focus and with our personal relationship with Him being our foundation, everything else is brought into perspective. God calls us to a life of sacrifice and commitment rather than personal selfishness.
A husband has no fear of being the head of the house, making all the decisions necessary for the building of a Godly family when he knows the indwelling Spirit of God is teaching him ALL things and guiding him into ALL truth. The direction he gives both to his wife and to his children is intentionally given for the spiritual welfare of all involved. Both education and discipline are given to spiritually nurture the family, individually and as a whole.
All other members of the family must yield themselves to God’s ordained plan for family development through the husband and father. Their roles and responsibilities are defined by their obedience to God under the authority of the head of the house. Their focus is not to be on the head of the home but on the head of the Universe as He works through the head of the home. This can only be accomplished as your personal relationship is grounded in Christ rather than personal opinion, preference or perspective. Each member of the family must live a life of complete sacrifice to God.
That is God-ordained living!
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