You’ve got a team of high performers who know what they’re doing and have the results to match. These are the people you count on—the ones who hit deadlines, solve problems, and drive success. But lately, something’s off. They’re still doing a good job, but… The attention to detail you could count on isn’t there. Results have dropped. You had to remind them to get that basic task done—again.

What’s going on? Should you intervene? Are they distracted, disengaged, or worse—burned out? How do you address the situation without coming across like a nag or micromanaging babysitter?

It’s normal for even your best people to experience periods of decreased performance. The good news is that with a collaborative approach, you can address the issue, help them get back on track, and strengthen your relationship.

Let’s look at why your high performer’s results might dip, and the practical steps you can take to help them course-correct without undermining their autonomy.

Why High Performers Hit a Slump

First, it’s critical to understand that a decline in performance isn’t always a sign of laziness, disengagement, or incompetence. High performers aren’t immune to challenges, and their slumps often have specific root causes:

Burnout from Overwork

High performers often take on more than their share of the load (be careful to avoid punishing strong performers by over-relying on their ability). Over time, this relentless pace can lead to burnout, diminishing their energy, creativity, and focus.

Unclear Priorities

Times of rapid change can muddy your top performers’ usual clarity. When everything feels urgent and important, even your best team members can lose focus on what matters most.

External Stressors

Personal issues—like family challenges, health concerns, or financial stress—can spill over into their work life.

Boredom or Lack of Challenge

High performers thrive on growth and new challenges. If their work has become repetitive or lacks a sense of progress, their motivation can wane—especially when they feel that the “basics” are little more than busy work.

Lack of Recognition

Even the most internally motivated people need to feel valued. If they feel taken for granted, they may disengage.

Hidden Barriers

Sometimes, a decline in performance isn’t about motivation or effort—it’s about obstacles they don’t have the tools or authority to remove.

Practical Steps to Address the Slump

Now that we’ve looked at reasons for the downturn, here’s how to address the situation in a way that supports your top performers and helps them find reclaim their mojo.

1. Start with Curiosity

Whatever is happening, you don’t have all the information. It’s time to get curious and learn what’s really going on. Begin with a one-on-one conversation, but frame it as an opportunity to connect, not a reprimand.

Try saying something like: “I’ve noticed a shift in [specific result or behavior]. I know you’re capable of incredible work, so I wanted to check in. Is everything okay? How can I support you?”

This approach keeps the conversation collaborative and shows you care about them, not just their results.

2. Invest in Clarity: Revisit Priorities

Sometimes, a dip in performance happens because high performers are trying to do too much. Help them clarify what’s most important right now.

You can make this a collaborative conversation by asking:

• “What’s taking most of your time and energy?”
• “What feels like it’s pulling you away from your major priorities?”
• “How can we adjust your workload or expectations to ensure you focus your energy where it matters most?”

These questions help them reset their focus while empowering them to take ownership of their time and tasks.

3. Address Burnout Head-On

If you suspect burnout, acknowledge it directly. Your high performers may not realize they’re running on empty—or worse, they might feel guilty about admitting it.

For example: “You’ve been carrying a lot recently. I wonder if you’ve had a chance to rest and recharge. What do you need to bring your best self to work?”

You might need to adjust their workload, encourage time off, or provide extra resources to lighten their load.

4. Reignite Their Passion

When the issue is boredom, work with them to identify growth opportunities, challenges that excite them, or a chance to invest in others. Earlier in our careers, we both thrived with managers who challenged us with new projects or gave us a chance to invest in an exciting opportunity.

You can ask:

• “What’s a project or skill you’ve been wanting to tackle?”
• “How can we align your work with your long-term goals?”
• “You know why this matters more than anyone. Can I ask you to spend a few minutes teaching our newer team members?”

High performers thrive when they feel stretched and engaged, so show you’re invested in their growth.

5. Clear Barriers Together

If there’s a hidden obstacle, they may not feel comfortable bringing it up unless you ask directly.

Try:

• “What’s getting in the way of your success right now?”
• “Is there a tool, process, or resource you need that you don’t have?”
• “How can I advocate for you to remove any roadblocks?”

When you step in to remove barriers, you reinforce your role as a partner, not a micromanager.

6. Recognize Their Contributions

When results dip, it’s easy to hyper-focus on the problem and forget the bigger picture of their contributions. Take a moment to remind them of the value they bring to the team.

You might say:

“I want you to know how much I appreciate [specific contributions]. You make a huge difference here by… [describe the specific outcomes].”

“I know what you’re doing isn’t easy. Here’s why it matters…”

Recognition helps restore their confidence and reinforces your trust in their abilities.

What Not to Do

While you focus on helping your high performer rebound, avoid these common pitfalls:

Micromanage: Don’t hover or constantly check in—it signals a lack of trust and can further demotivate them.

Assume Intent: Avoid jumping to conclusions about laziness or disengagement. Start with curiosity about what you observe, not judgment.

Ignore the Issue: Hoping the slump will resolve itself can make the situation worse. Your silence tells them that either you don’t care about them or that their performance never mattered to you. A timely conversation shows you care and helps them course-correct.

Your Turn

When you approach a high performer’s slump with curiosity, support, and respect, you  don’t just help them get back on track—you reinforce your partnership. High performers want to know you see them, value them as well as their results, and that you’re invested in their success.

When you address the downturn collaboratively, you also build a culture where it’s safe to talk about challenges, recalibrate priorities, and grow. This doesn’t just benefit your high performers; it strengthens the entire team.

Remember, the key to leading high performers isn’t perfection—it’s partnership. You’re not there to babysit or nag; you’re there to guide, support, and inspire them to be their best.

We’d love to hear from you: what’s one way you help your high performers pull out of their slumps?

You might also like:

• Retaining High-Performing Employees: Practical Ways To Support Your Best Talent [VIDEO]
• How to Manage a Strong, Arrogant, Maybe Even Toxic High-Performer
• What to Do When a High-Performer Quits (With Video)

The post When Your High Performers Hit a Slump: How to Support Without Micromanaging appeared first on Let's Grow Leaders.

Being set up as the scapegoat never feels easy. It’s uncomfortable, unfair, and downright isolating. But here’s the good news: you don’t have to stay the goat in this blame game. Instead, you can fight goats with GOATs—our Greatest of All Time Powerful Phrases for Dealing With Workplace Conflict—and other powerful phrases and rise above the chaos.

Not only will you protect your reputation, but you’ll also foster a healthier, more collaborative team dynamic—and that’s a win for everyone.

Why Scapegoating Happens

When things go wrong, some people toss blame around like a frisbee in a windstorm—random, chaotic, and bound to hit someone who didn’t see it coming. Others launch a deliberate campaign to ensure some unsuspecting nice guy gets the blame.

Scapegoating often has little to do with you and everything to do with their fear of repercussions, a desperate bid to save their reputation or a team culture that sidesteps accountability.

Sometimes, it’s just stress talking—a knee-jerk reaction that shifts focus to someone else.

Recognizing that this behavior is about them (not you) helps you respond with calm and clarity. You don’t want to get caught in the blame spiral. Instead, protect your integrity, steer the conversation toward thoughtful solutions, and focus on what matters most.

The Power of Response

The words you choose in these moments matter deeply.

But when someone’s blaming you for something you didn’t do, it’s human nature to fire up and either fight back or get flustered and unable to respond.

And of course, neither of these helps you. So the first conversation you need to have is with yourself. To get back in a constructive state of mind.

Then you can choose a response that de-escalates tension, preserves relationships, and reinforces your credibility.

To settle yourself and prepare for a productive conversation, start by acknowledging reality:

“This sucks.”

You don’t need to run from the pain or pretend it isn’t something else. It feels massively unfair and that stinks. So call it what it is, take a deep breath, and then ask yourself:

“What can I learn from this?”

Maybe you have some responsibility for the outcome that you overlooked. Maybe this is a chance for you to lead through a messy situation and help everyone find a better outcome. This situation might be a chance to learn the reality of a negative workplace and equip you to work on an exist plan. There is always something to learn – and getting curious about your learning will help move you into a productive mindset.

“What’s at stake if I stay silent?”

Ask yourself this question to clarify your values and what really matters in your specific situation. This clarity will help you find your voice, if you need to use it. (There might be times where the scapegoater lacks credibility and you don’t need to respond.)

From there, you can move into conversation with the scapegoater with a few G.O.A.T.s (Greatest of All Time Powerful Phrases):

“What I’m hearing you say is __________. Do I have that right?”

By reflecting their words back to them, you show that you’re listening while also clarifying any misunderstandings about your role or the situation. Sometimes, assertively repeating what you’ve heard out loud is all it takes to clear the air.

“I’m curious how this looks from your perspective.”

This phrase invites them to share their viewpoint, often uncovering the stress or confusion behind their actions. It also shows you’re more interested in resolution than retaliation.

More Powerful Phrases to Respond to Scapegoating at Work

Here are some additional powerful phrases and strategies to help you navigate being unfairly blamed, one conversation at a time.

1. Begin with empathy (Connection)

“I know you’re frustrated. I am too, and I want to help resolve it.”

Acknowledging emotions—yours and theirs—can defuse hostility. When people feel heard, they’re often more willing to engage constructively.

2. Focus on Shared Goals and the Facts (Clarity)

Remind the team what you’re all working toward. Phrases like, “We all want this project to succeed,” or “Our shared goal is XYZ,” can refocus the conversation on collective success.

And stick to the facts: “Can we take a moment to walk through what happened step by step?”

This phrase keeps the discussion grounded in reality. Walking through the facts together shows you’re not here to play the blame lottery; you’re here to find solutions and move forward.

3. Call Out Ambiguity Respectfully (Commitment)

“It sounds like there’s been some misunderstanding about my role. Let’s clarify responsibilities so we can move forward.”

If someone is misrepresenting your contributions (or lack thereof), this phrase addresses it without sounding defensive. You’re not accusing anyone; you’re inviting clarity.

4. Pivot to Problem-Solving (Curiosity)

“What can we do as a team to fix this issue and ensure it doesn’t happen again?”

Blame is like trying to drive forward while staring in the rearview mirror—sooner or later, you’re going to crash. Instead, focus on solutions and steer the conversation toward what really matters: fixing the problem and learning from it. This phrase subtly says, “Let’s stop the finger-pointing and start brainstorming, because no one’s getting a trophy for winning the blame game.”

5. Stand Your Ground with Confidence (Clarity)

“I want to ensure the full picture is considered here. Here’s what I contributed and the steps I took.”

If the situation requires you to defend yourself, do it confidently and factually. Provide context without casting blame elsewhere.

What Not to Do When You’re the Scapegoat

Even when the urge to fight back feels overwhelming, resist these common pitfalls:

1. Reacting Emotionally

When you feel blindsided, it’s natural to want to lash out or shut down. But emotional reactions can undermine your credibility. Take a breath, pause, and respond thoughtfully.

2. Blaming Back

Pointing fingers in return only perpetuates the blame game. Instead, focus on facts and solutions. This approach positions you as a leader who prioritizes resolution over rivalry.

3. Staying Silent

Silence can be misinterpreted as guilt. Even if you’re caught off guard, take the opportunity to calmly address the accusations and offer a constructive path forward.

When to Involve a Third Party

Sometimes, a direct conversation isn’t enough to resolve the issue. If the scapegoating escalates or becomes a pattern, it may be time to involve a manager or HR. Frame the discussion around team dynamics rather than personal grievances.

For example:

“I’ve noticed some patterns of miscommunication that are affecting how we work together. I’d like your help in addressing them.”

Bringing in a neutral third party can help reset the narrative and ensure the focus stays on solutions.

Preventing Scapegoating in the Future

To protect yourself from being scapegoated in the future, work to build trust and visibility in your workplace. Here’s how:

1. Document Your Work

Keep clear records of your contributions, decisions, and communications. Documentation can serve as a helpful reference if there’s ever a dispute about what happened.

2. Build Strong Relationships

The stronger your relationships, the less likely others are to unfairly blame you. Take time to connect with colleagues, understand their priorities, and build mutual respect.

3. Advocate for Team Accountability

Encourage your team to define roles and responsibilities clearly at the start of any project. This proactive approach can prevent misunderstandings and finger-pointing down the line.

Final Thoughts

Being set up as the scapegoat never feels easy. It challenges your comfort, tests your fairness, and can isolate you deeply. Yet, it offers a chance to rise above, demonstrate professionalism, and model a constructive approach to conflict.

Use these powerful phrases, stay calm, and focus on solutions to protect your reputation while fostering a healthier team dynamic—everyone wins.

The post When You’re the Scapegoat: Powerful Phrases to Address Unfair Blame appeared first on Let's Grow Leaders.

You’ve got a clear focus on what matters most. Your team seems to work well together, but then you get that call: “I need to talk to you about …” or a team member suddenly explodes at their teammates and storms off the floor. It’s conflict, a disagreement, or a clash of personalities. Handle it well and you’ll build trust and influence. But ignore it or respond poorly and not only do you lose trust and credibility, but the conflict distracts your team from the work that matters most. Team conflict can feel like quicksand and a distraction from your work, but it’s an excellent opportunity to improve morale, productivity, and processes.

8 Ways to Deal with Team Conflict

1. Hire for Conflict Communication Skills
2. De-escalate Heated Conflict in the Moment
3. Reflect to Connect
4. Gather Information with Three Quick Questions
5. Diagnose the Situation: Is this a vent or a problem that needs to be solved?
6. [For Problems:] Discuss and Choose an Appropriate Solution
7. Schedule the Finish
8. Bonus: Equip Your Team with Powerful Phrases to Resolve Conflict Together

Team Conflict is Unavoidable

Early in my (David’s) career, my boss Jim, the Executive Vice President, took me to lunch at a popular spot for business meetings with a bustling dining room. Apparently, he’d seen me struggling with a common problem new leaders face and chose this lunch to deliver some coaching.

As we waited for our food to arrive, I got up to wash my hands. Jim stopped me for a moment and gave me an assignment: “Take the long way through the restaurant to and from the washroom. Walk slowly and catch the bits of conversation you hear.”

I followed his strange instructions and when I returned to the table, Jim said, “Of the conversations you heard, how many of them were complaining–about their boss, a co-worker, or a problem at work?”

“Half or more, from what I heard,” I answered.

He nodded. “And that’s normal. It’s human nature to complain. You can’t respond to every complaint you hear. Not every complaint needs a solution. And complaints don’t necessarily mean anything’s wrong.”

It was an important lesson for a young leader: conflict between people is unavoidable. But there’s always a leadership opportunity when a team member brings you a complaint. Depending on the circumstance, it may be an opportunity for that person to grow, for you to improve your leadership, or a moment to connect, build a stronger team, or a better process.

How to Address Team Conflict Productively

Here are eight steps you can take to address conflict effectively, build healthy professional relationships, and help your team maintain their focus on what matters most.

1. Hire for Conflict Communication Skills

As a leader, you have two choices to build teams that are good at conflict resolution: either hire for the skills or teach the skills.

What doesn’t work is expecting people to have skills you haven’t specifically checked out or taught them. And the fastest way to build a team that’s good at conflict is to hire for those skills. You can do this with a few behavior-based interview questions. For example:

“Tell me about a time when…”

• “A coworker seriously irritated you. What happened? What did you do? What was the outcome?”
• “You radically disagreed with your manager. How did you handle that?”
• “You weren’t able to do your work correctly because of someone else’s behavior. How did you address the situation?”

While many people will describe how they stayed silent, kept their head down, or got frustrated and left, you’re looking for the candidates who spoke up and shared their concerns elegantly.

2. De-escalate Heated Team Conflict in the Moment

A quarrel between teammates escalates into a shouting match. Seemingly out of nowhere, an employee swears, slams a door, and storms into the breakroom or parking lot.

Many managers respond to these heated moments by getting sucked into the drama or trying to ignore it altogether. But either way, the situation won’t improve.

When tempers flare, your first job is to re-establish a safe working environment for the entire team. That means taking a breath and making sure you are calm, centered, and don’t react to the drama. Next, if the people involved are still in a public area or with the rest of the team, move the people involved to a more private space where you can talk.

Rather than talking right away about their unprofessional behavior, begin the conversation by getting the facts. Ask “What happened?”

As you hear their side, check for understanding: “So what I hear you saying is that there were too many people in your space and you couldn’t get your work done. Do I have that right?”

If the person is distraught and says things like, “You don’t understand!” You can help de-escalate the conversation by calmly and quietly saying, “You’re right. I don’t understand. And I’d like to. Can you tell me what happened?”

As you confirm the facts, you can also de-escalate the situation by acknowledging and checking on feelings. For example, “It sounds like having all those people in your space was very frustrating?” (More on this in #3 below).

Once you’ve heard the other person’s perspective and acknowledged their feelings, you can guide the discussion to solutions. This depends on the specific circumstances, what happened, and if they can safely return to their work. An apology might be in order, along with some coaching to help them deal with their frustrations productively. The next steps can help you know what direction to go.

3. Reflect to Connect

When a team member comes to you with a frustration, complaint, or problem, (even if it’s not an explosive situation) the most effective thing you can do to build a productive conversation is to acknowledge their emotion. When they know you’ve heard them, it diffuses some of the emotional intensity and builds a connection that allows you to move to constructive next steps.

We call this process of acknowledging emotion “reflect to connect” because you are reflecting the emotion you observed and making sure you understand what’s on their mind.

For example: “It sounds like you’re really frustrated with the lack of response from marketing and that’s sapping your motivation. Do I have that right?”

Note: you’re not telling them that their feelings are right or wrong. When you reflect, you are checking for understanding and creating a common starting place for the conversation.

4. Gather Information with Three Quick Questions

Once you’ve acknowledged the person’s feelings, your next step is to get more information. Your actions going forward depend on the specific circumstances so it’s vital to know what’s happening. There are three questions you can ask to quickly assess the situation:

• What do you want me to know?—We learned this question from trial attorney Heather Hansen. It’s a fantastic question to help draw out what is most meaningful to the person who brought you the issue.
• How might I help here?—The power of this question is that it quickly reveals whether the other person just wants to blow off steam or has a problem. It also gives you insight into how they perceive the problem.
• Should the three (or more) of us talk together?—This question is helpful in those situations where you suspect the person might have a motivation other than solving the problem (like undermining a colleague or currying favor). For people who complain and want to dump their problems on you, it helps maintain mutual responsibility.

5. Diagnose the Situation: Is this a vent or a problem that needs to be solved?

After you ask these three questions, you will likely have enough information to diagnose the situation. Here are some of the most common types of team conflict to look for:

• The person just needs to vent and get a frustration off their chest.
• There’s a misunderstanding.
• One party is unresponsive or sees priorities differently.
• People are working toward different goals.
• There’s a style or personality conflict.
• You discover toxic behavior.
• There are structural issues with a process or systems causing the conflict.

6. [For Problems:] Discuss and Choose an Appropriate Solution

If the person doesn’t need any action and just needed to blow off steam, your reflect-to-connect will likely be all they need to get back to work. For problems, however, the solution will depend on the specific situation. Here are a few examples:

• If you identify a misunderstanding, equipping the person to have the discussion and clarify what’s happening might be appropriate.
• Sometimes you’ll find that you caused the problem. Perhaps your statement of goals is unclear or you haven’t clarified how values should resolve when in conflict. In these cases, your best path forward is to convene the interested parties and give them the clarity they need.
• For other cases of unresponsive peers, personality or style conflicts, or other situations where a discussion will help, you may bring the people together and discuss the situation and come to a mutual understanding of the way forward.
• When you discover toxic or abusive behavior, you and/or your HR team may formally intervene.
• When you uncover structural issues, fix them if you can. If you can’t take immediate action yourself, let your team know how you will advocate for them and help them work through the specific challenge.

7. Schedule the Finish

Whatever the next steps you and the people involved agree on, be sure to schedule a time in the future when you will all review what happened and ensure that everyone followed through on their commitments and responsibilities. Scheduling the finish ensures that you won’t repeatedly have to revisit this same team conflict.

8. Bonus: Equip Your Team with Powerful Phrases to Resolve Conflict Together

Click here for FREE Sample Chapters

One of the most effective ways you can help your team to resolve conflict is to give them the tools to have meaningful conversations with one another and the expectation that they will use them. The highest-performing teams don’t shy away from conflict. They embrace it and understand that every disagreement is an opportunity to build relationships and improve results.

When there’s a lack of clarity, help your team ask questions of one another, like:

• “What would a successful outcome do for you?”
• “How does this look from your perspective?”
• “Here’s what I understood _______. Did you hear it differently?”

Equip Your Team for Mutual Feedback and Accountability

One of the most important set of powerful phrases to help build feedback skills is the I.N.S.P.I.R.E. Method for accountability conversations. Its balanced approach will help your team members build their relationships while achieving results. And for those situations where they can’t resolve the issue because the problem is a lack of clarity at a higher level, they will be able to figure that out and come to you with a solution request, rather than a vague complaint. 

Your Turn

Team conflict can be productive–and certainly shouldn’t consume you with other people’s drama. You will energize your people and maintain productivity when you acknowledge their emotions, ask a few key questions, create an appropriate path forward, and follow up to ensure everyone followed through.

What would you add? Leave a comment and share your best tip for helping your team resolve conflict, build better relationships, and get back to what matters most.

Related Articles:

Team Conflict: How To Surface and Discuss Simmering Issues (Video)

9 Mistakes That Sabotage Collaboration and Destroy Trust

The post How to Deal with Team Conflict and Get Everyone Back to Work appeared first on Let's Grow Leaders.

Your team’s under pressure to perform—fast. The stakes are high, the deadline looms, and emotions are running hotter by the minute. Just last week, your team was cruising along. They weren’t going to win any high-performing team awards, but things were working well enough. Sure, there were a few bumps in communication, and collaboration wasn’t always seamless, but nothing too disruptive.

But today you got… the news.

Suddenly, everything feels like it’s unraveling. Casual conversations have transformed into tense exchanges, misunderstandings are piling up, and people are tripping over one another.

Of course, it happens just when you need everyone at their best—focused, fast, and flawless. But instead of smooth execution, you’re dealing with constant rework and rising frustration.

Under stress, people move fast—but not always in the same direction, and certainly not with the same level of clarity.

So, what do you do when cracks start to show under the weight of tight deadlines and high expectations? How do you prevent the stress from spiraling into mistakes, drama, or even burnout?

Pressure doesn’t have to lead to panic—it can lead to progress. Let’s explore four dimensions of collaboration and a few of the habits that help your team not just survive pressure, but thrive.

4 Dimensions of Collaboration in High-Performing Teams

• Connection: Do We Know One Another as Human Beings?
• Clarity: Do We Have a Shared Understanding of Success
• Curiosity: Are We Genuinely Interested in One Another’s Perspectives and What’s Possible
• Commitment: Do We have a Shared Agreement

Connection: Do We Know Each Other as Human Beings?

The post How to Build High-Performing Teams: Help Your Team Thrive Under Pressure appeared first on Let's Grow Leaders.

When your manager asks you for information, don’t just answer their question. Have a perspective. To get better at managing up, ask yourself three questions that will turn information into influence.

The Problem: Why Your Boss Is Frustrated

Every day we hear from frustrated executives buried in data. Their team sends them reams of information without context, PowerPoint decks that don’t answer the “obvious” question, or vague answers that lead to more questions.

And it’s all unnecessary. If your manager asks you for information and your answers don’t build your influence, or worse, cause frustration, you probably made one of a few mistakes.

Presenting Information: Common Managing Up Mistakes

Avoid these common mistakes when answering questions and presenting information.

Mistake #1: You Misinterpret or Underestimate the Ask

You’re swamped and moving fast. There’s so much to do and then your boss asks for an update. And you want to be responsive, so you quickly throw together a chart that shows the last twelve months. But you don’t explain why February’s numbers were so different. Now your manager wonders why you don’t care about the obvious issue.

You’re so close to the project that your focus is on twigs and leaves, not the tree…and much less the forest. Your manager asks you for information. So you bury them in minutia that’s meaningful to you – but they wanted your perspective on the project’s success. And now they have to ask again.

Your manager asks for your analysis. So you put together a tight description of what’s happening and why. But you don’t make any recommendations. And your frustrated manager wonders, “What am I supposed to do with this? Shouldn’t you be able to solve these problems?”

Mistake #2: You Think Your Boss Thinks Like You

Everyone has a natural style of how they get information and make decisions. But these styles differ from one person to the next.

Maybe you prefer to read. So you prepare excellent written emails and reports – that your manager ignores. Because she prefers to listen and talk through the information. Or, you like to see all the data when deciding, so you give them everything. But they just want a summary, or your suggestion.

Mistake #3: You Try to Stay Out of Trouble

Your manager asks for an update and you bury the bad news in a spreadsheet or a hundred-slide presentation. Rather than interpret the data and risk a negative reaction from your manager, you dump it all on them and leave them to figure it out.

Or you don’t offer a point of view or recommendation because you worry about how your manager will react.

After all, they can’t get mad at you if you said nothing wrong, right?

Well, wrong…of course they can still get upset. And now, to make it worse, you didn’t actually do your job because you didn’t lead.

Mistake #4: You Try to Look Too Good

There’s a time to show your work. But going overboard makes you look insecure, not competent.

When you showboat and point out how outstanding you are, you cast doubt as to your true capabilities. Worse, in the effort to show off, you miss the chance to genuinely help and build the influence you want. You’ll have much more influence managing up when you add true value.

Three Managing Up Questions to Turn Information into Influence

Avoid these four mistakes and add value by asking yourself three key questions. If you aren’t confident in your answers to any of the questions, use these communication tools and Powerful Phrases to maximize your influence.

1. What does your manager need?

This is the most important question to make sure that you add value. What does your manager actually need?

Ask yourself this question a couple times, from different angles.

Because your manager might not ask for what they need.

They’ll ask for what they think they need. Or they ask for the first part, but not the second and third pieces. Maybe they don’t understand the issue as well as you do, so they ask the totally wrong question. Or they don’t specifically ask for your recommendation, but they expect you to have one.

Here are ways to think about what your manager needs:

• How will they use the information? Will they make a decision? Pass it to someone else? Implement your suggestion?
• Quick or detailed? What level of confidence do they need? Do they need a precise, accurate answer, or is a quick range enough for now?
• Do they need nicely formatted to share with others or just an email with a simple answer?
• What are the next three questions your manager would naturally ask? Answer these.

Always have a perspective. Whether your manager asked for it, you need to be read to offer a point of view. You are closer to the work. What would you recommend?

If you’re not sure what your manager needs, there are a couple of questions you can ask to help clarify:

• Check for Understanding by saying, “Here’s what I’m hearing you need and how you will use the answers I give you: ________. Do I have that right?”
• When you don’t have enough information to check for understanding, you can draw out more information by asking: “I want to make sure I get you what you need. What will a successful update do for you?”

2. How do they need it?

When you work with a manager frequently, you can ask this question early in your relationship. If you don’t know the person making the request, include this question in your first conversation:

“How do you like to receive information?”

Some possibilities to explore include:

• Written, diagramed, or spoken
• Bullet point summaries or analysis
• Numbers, narrative, or both

When you can’t know how they need it, try this: start with a one-page brief, bulleted summary of key information and your recommendations. In the following pages, give them the data and analysis. Then make yourself available to discuss the report.

3. When do they need it?

You don’t want to waste time if they need it quickly. Nor do you want to drop everything and abandon your work to provide a report that could wait until next week.

The tool to help you manage these priorities is Scheduling the Finish.

You never want to leave a conversation that requires action without scheduling the finish by addressing three factors:

• Ideally, when will the task be complete?
• Is this workable, or do you need to resolve competing priorities?
• Is the scheduled finish on your calendar (and the calendar of anyone else involved)?

For example, your manager asks for an update on the sales figures for your newest product. You know she prefers written bullet points and the ability to ask clarifying questions.

First, you ask how she’ll use the data and whether she wants the actual data or a trend analysis. Then you schedule the finish by asking, “Ideally, when do you need this?”

She asks for the information by tomorrow afternoon.

You have time at 4:00 pm available to meet. But you also have to attend a marketing update in the morning that won’t leave you time for her update.

So, you tell her, “If I can skip that marketing meeting, I can send you the information at 3:00 and then we can do a quick video call at 4:00 so I can answer your questions? How does that sound?”

Your Turn

You can master the art of managing up, increase your influence, and get your manager the right information at the right time by answering three critical questions: What do they need? How do they need it? When do they need it?

We’d love to hear from you: what’s one of your best ways to get your manager the information they need to lead well and make good decisions?

You Might Also Like:

• Help Your Boss Stop Wasting Time with Bad Delegation
• Powerful Phrases to Win With a Moody Boss, Even a Dropper of F-Bombs
• Managing Up With Grace (How to Give Your Boss Better Feedback With Video)

The post Managing Up: Turning Information into Influence with Your Boss appeared first on Let's Grow Leaders.

The best time to talk about team conflict is before you’re in it. And, a good conflict teambuilding exercise makes talking about conflict easy. That’s why we’ve developed these FREE practical and fun workplace conflict team building activities to go with our new book, Powerful Phrases for Dealing with Workplace Conflict.

These easy-to-facilitate exercises make it easy for you and your team to read Powerful Phrases together. And, to discuss how you will handle conflict BEFORE it happens.

First watch this quick, Asking for a Friend video which gives examples of these workplace conflict team building activities in action.

Note: If you’re curious and want to watch the classic Asking for a Friend on uncovering simmering workplace conflict I call back to, you can do that here. 

What You’ll Find in the Conflict and Collaboration Resource Center

• Book Group Discussion Questions
• Training & Teambuilding Activities (including crafting your conflict cocktails, reflective phrases mapping, and G.O.A.T. citings) 
• Role Play Scenarios (Scenarios for How to Say No, Dealing with a Credit Stealer, and Feeling Overwhelmed)
• Book Group Planning Tips and Templates

We’d love to hear from you. Have you tried any of these workplace conflict teambuilders? Let us know how it went. Even better, send us some pics!

The post What Are Some Fun Workplace Conflict Team Building Activities (Asking for a Friend) appeared first on Let's Grow Leaders.

Do you ever get frustrated by conflict conversations that just won’t end?  You think you’ve reached an agreement, and a few weeks later you’re back to the same Groundhog Day discussion.

Your conversation needs to produce action, or nothing changes. And if nothing changes, it’s worse than if you never had a conversation. Now you’ve wasted time, trust drips away, and people lose hope. Commitment is the answer and the key to move you from words to action.

There are two keys to a useful commitment in conflict conversations. The first is to get specific. You want specific actions with specific owners who have specific finish lines. The second key to an effective commitment is to schedule a time to review your agreement.

Bring on the Commitment G.O.A.T.s

Let’s give you some commitment G.O.A.T.s (greatest of all time Powerful Phrases) that will help ensure your conflict conversations lead to action.

3 Powerful Phrases to Prevent Recurring Conflict Conversations

1. What’s one action we can both agree to as a next step here?

You might not have resolved all the issues, but steering the conversation to one specific next step helps create forward momentum. Asking for just one action will usually feel doable. And if one step feels easy, you can always say “Great, what else do you think we could do?”

2. So, to recap our conversation, we’ve agreed to _________. Is that your understanding?

As you can see, we’re big believers in the “check for understanding” throughout the conversation. It’s particularly important when recapping a workplace conflict conversation. The more emotionally intense the conversation, the more critical this final step is. If you leave the discussion with different expectations, you’ll have continued conflict and hurt feelings.

3. Let’s schedule some time to talk about this again, and see how our solution is working.

If you’ve ever been in one of our leadership training programs, you’ll recognize this as “scheduling the finish,”

One of the big sources of workplace conflict is when you think you’ve resolved it, and everything doesn’t go the way you planned. Scheduling time to talk about the situation again makes the follow-up conversation more natural because you’ve already agreed to it.

A scheduled follow-up increases the odds that you’ll both keep your commitments to one another. And, it gives you a built-in opportunity to discuss the inevitable disruptions to your plan.

Your turn.

How about you? What’s one of your favorite powerful phrases to prevent conflict conversations from recurring?

The post Recurring Conflict Conversations: How to Unstick Stuck Situations appeared first on Let's Grow Leaders.

Faced with conflict at work, you might think “let’s agree to disagree” is an easy way to move on from the conversation. The words seem peaceful and hint at mutual respect. But in actual use, they aren’t peaceful, or helpful, at all.

The phrase implies a deadlock, which can prevent the resolution of underlying issues and hinder productive work relationships. Instead, you can use a few powerful phrases to create more collaborative conversations, solve problems, and build better relationships.

You won’t always agree, but there’s a better way to disagree.

Why “Agree to Disagree” is Trouble

Presumptuous Disrespect:

When you say, “let’s agree to disagree,” you are telling the other person what they will do – without their agreement, input, or consideration of their perspective. That’s presumptuous (assuming you know best) and dismissive, implying that further dialogue is pointless and that the other person’s viewpoint isn’t worth considering.

Avoidance of Resolution:

“Agree to disagree” often halts further discussion and doesn’t address the root causes of disagreement. Unresolved issues will surface again in ongoing tension and conflict.

Lack of Understanding:

Agreeing to disagree prevents you from fully understanding each other’s perspectives. This understanding is crucial for to build empathy, find common ground, and give you a chance at a solution.

Missed Opportunities for Innovation:

Collaborative disagreement is a source of creativity and innovation. Avoiding these discussions prevents teams from exploring diverse ideas that could lead to better solutions.

What to Say Instead of “Agree to Disagree”

When you have a serious disagreement with a coworker, rather than jumping straight to “agree to disagree,” you can use a few powerful phrases that open the door to better understanding, solutions, and improved relationships.

These G.O.A.T. (Greatest of All Time) phrases are rooted in the four dimensions of productive conflict: Connection, Clarity, Curiosity, and Commitment.

Connection—Do you know one another as human beings?

Every conflict is an opportunity to build a better relationship. Don’t lose the chance to connect by pushing someone away with “agree to disagree.” Here are some phrases you can use to “see” the other person and enhance connection:

“I care about [you/this team/this project], and I’m confident we can find a solution that works for all of us.” This phrase acknowledges the challenge while expressing confidence in a collaborative solution.

“Tell me more.” This is the complete opposite of “agree to disagree.” This simple but powerful phrase helps you learn more about the other person and helps them feel seen and heard.

“It sounds like you’re feeling [emotion], is that right? Thank you for letting me know how you feel.” This technique, known as “reflect to connect,” validates the other person’s feelings and builds rapport.

Clarity—Do you have a shared understanding of success?

So many workplace conflicts are misunderstandings. If you jump straight to “agree to disagree,” you lose the opportunity to create more clarity and truly solve problems. Here are a few phrases to help you build that shared understanding.

“What would a successful outcome do for you?” This question helps identify the desired end result, opening up possibilities for mutual understanding, collaboration, and solutions that can satisfy both of your needs.

“Can we start with what we agree on?” Finding common ground can reduce tension and create a cooperative atmosphere.

“What I’m hearing you say is [paraphrase]. Do I have that right?” This check for understanding ensures both parties are on the same page and can clear up any misinterpretations.

Another approach is “Here’s what I’m hearing you say so far. Please correct me where I’m wrong.” Then give your summary.

Curiosity—Are you genuinely interested in other perspectives and what’s possible?

The more you learn about other people’s perspectives, approaches, and experience, the easier time you’ll have collaborating and solving problems. But you won’t know if you don’t ask. Here are some curiosity phrases to use instead of “agree to disagree.”

“I’m curious how this looks from your perspective.” This straightforward phrase acknowledges that different perspectives exist. It’s so far from “agree to disagree” because it creates dialogue rather than shut it down.

“What do you suggest we do next?” Moving the conversation towards actionable steps helps you find solutions.

“What can I do to support you right now?” Offering support shows a willingness to help and can de-escalate tension.

Commitment—Do you have a clear agreement?

As you learn from one another, now you are in more of a position to move forward (rather than jumping straight to the presumptive “agree to disagree”). Focus on specific commitments to help move forward constructively:

“What’s one action we can both agree to as a next step?” This question narrows down the discussion to practical steps that can be taken immediately and looks for common ground.

“So, to recap our conversation, we’ve agreed to [summarize]. Is that your understanding?” Recapping ensures you both have a clear understanding of the agreements made, preventing future conflicts.

“Let’s schedule some time to talk about this again and see how our solution is working.” Scheduling a follow-up ensures continued commitment to resolving the issue and adjusting as necessary. Another anti-“agree to disagree” this phrase keeps the conversation going and keeps you engaged with one another.

Examples of Powerful Phrases in Action

Consider the following scenarios where these powerful phrases can replace “agree to disagree” and lead to more productive outcomes:

Scenario: Team Conflict Over Project Direction

Original: “Let’s just agree to disagree and move on.”

Alternative: “I care about our project’s success and I’m confident we can find a solution that works for all of us. What would a successful outcome do for you?”

Scenario: Disagreement on Work Processes

Original: “We’ll never see eye to eye on this, so let’s agree to disagree.”

Alternative: “It sounds like you’re feeling frustrated with our current process. Do I have that right? Let’s start with what we agree on and see how we can address the differences.”

Scenario: Conflict Between Team Members

Original: “We’ll just have to agree to disagree on this.”

Alternative: “I’ve noticed that we have different points of view on this issue and would love to learn more. How does this look from your perspective? What can we do next to move forward?”

But What About…

There might be a time where you can’t resolve differences or find a solution that meets everyone’s needs. (Less often than you might think, but it does happen.)

Especially in those moments, investing in connection, clarity, curiosity, and commitment is vital to build mutual respect and a collaborative relationship. Here are a few more phrases you can use in these times:

“So what you’re saying is… Do I have that right? That’s interesting. And I see it differently.” With this phrase, you create clarity with a check for understanding to ensure you have heard the other person. And you also affirm your own perspective—without telling them what they have to do or not do.

“I don’t expect either of us to change our mind about… Can we agree to…?” The key here is a constructive forward step—not “Can we agree to disagree”—that’s not constructive. For example, you might say, “Can we agree to respect one another and work together on this project in a way that serves our customers?”

Your Turn

There are so many ways to build your work relationships and find better solutions than telling someone, “Let’s agree to disagree.”

We’d love to hear from you: How does this look from your perspective? What is one of your most effective phrases when you face a serious disagreement at work?

(And if you want more powerful phrases to help with your most common workplace conflicts, check out Powerful Phrases for Dealing with Workplace Conflict):

The post Why “Agree to Disagree” Stinks and What to Say Instead for Better Work Relationships appeared first on Let's Grow Leaders.

The post Avoid the Hidden Costs of Workplace Conflict: How Powerful Phrases Will Help Your Team Thrive appeared first on Let's Grow Leaders.

Whenever we do a media interview about our new book,  Powerful Phrases for Dealing with Workplace Conflict, the interviewer or audience member inevitably says,”You know. These phrases would work wonders with my kids.”

Yes. They sure will. Particularly the G.O.A.T.s. (Greatest of All Time, top 12). I’m a big believer in talking to your kids more like grown-ups.

This got me and my friend, Kiersten Lortz, talking about additional Powerful Phrases moms (and dads) can use when the going gets rough with their kids. So I gave her the 4 dimensions of productive conflict and invited her to offer some “magic mom words” from her experience as a mom (who has been through a lot), a coach, and an inspiring women’s conference organizer.

So in honor of Mother’s Day, we share a few of Kiersten Lortz’s, magic mom words to de-stress your day, build collaboration, and calm cranky kids (see her amazing credentials at the bottom of this article). See Also: Why Moms Make Amazing Leaders.

Magic Mom Words to Connect with Your Kids

Connection: Do we know one another as human beings?

Connection starts with those affirmations you whisper to yourself in the bathroom mirror (or shout over the sound of your kids arguing about who stuffed what up the other one’s nose). Saying (and believing) affirmations like “I am bold, I am strong, I am courageous,” helps you connect to your strengths.

And to connect with your kids, keep the channels open. Asking questions like, “It sounds like you’re feeling______, how can I help?” can be a game changer.  Even though “because I said so,” is oh so tempting, most of the time “I hear you” is a better choice 😉

Powerful Affirmations to Align with Your Authentic Desires

• I am bold, I am strong, I am courageous.
• I desire a day that’s productive AND joyful.
• I will stop judging the ways I fall short, and focus on what I can improve.
• What activities/projects/etc help me feel most like myself?

For Your Family

• It sounds like you’re feeling__________, how can I help?
• I hear you saying___________, what are you looking for from me?
• I’m proud of who you are and the choices you make.
• I’m glad I get to be your mom.

Powerful Phrases to Create Clarity for Yourself and Your Family

Clarity: Do we have a shared understanding of success?

Next up, clarity—because understanding what you really want can be as elusive as a quiet bathroom break. Question yourself: “Do I really want to do this or do I feel obligated?” Whether it’s signing up for another school fundraiser or agreeing to host the next family reunion on top of your day job, knowing your limits is key.

And for the love of peace, help your family find clarity too, with questions like, “What’s the most important thing you can do this afternoon? Clarity of shared purpose is a great way to connect with your kids.

Powerful Questions to Create Clarity for Yourself

• Do I really want to do this or do I feel obligated to do it?
• At this moment, which is more important, family or work?
• Is there something I can do that would make other things easier?
• How do I want to spend my days? Am I doing what brings me joy?
• What parameters can I put around my time so I can be fully present?

Magic Mom Words to Create Clarity for Your Family

• What’s the most important thing you can do this afternoon?
• This is why I do the work that I do.
• __________ (insert important thing here)  is very important this week. Let’s talk about what we can all do to make this a priority.

Important Questions to Show Up Curious

Curiosity: Are we genuinely interested in other perspectives and what’s possible?

Phrases like “That’s an interesting thought. What made you come to that conclusion?” lead to discoveries about deeper motivations.

Powerful Phrases to Get Curious About You

• If I could pursue a new hobby/interest/skill, what would it be?
• Where do I see myself in 5 years? Is that where I want to be?
• If not, what needs to change?
• Am I careful with my tone in addition to my words? What does my tone convey to my family?

Powerful Phrase to Show Up Curious with Your Family

• Tell me more. (Note: As it turns out, this is one of our Connection G.O.A.T. Powerful Phrases as well).
• That’s an interesting thought. What made you come to that conclusion? Why do you feel that way?
• What’s one thing I can do to be a better mom?

Magic Mom Words to Build Commitment

Commitment: Do we have a clear agreement?

Commitment powerful phrases are all about making and keeping shared agreements. Creating mutual shared accountability is one of the fastest ways to reduce family stress.

Powerful Phrases to Ask Yourself

• Do I keep commitments to myself as well as I keep commitments to others?
• If not, why do I come through for others but not myself?
• I will begin setting goals which are attainable and reasonable to set myself up for success and generate wins.

Powerful Phrases to Create Shared Agreement with Your Family

• “What do you need by when?
• “I’m counting on you to do this by tomorrow afternoon.”
• “If you want me to come, I will be there. Would you like me to come? Would you like me to be there? Be a part of that event/field trip/etc.?”
• Let’s schedule a time to talk about this again.

These magic mom words are powerful and tender. Let them be bridges that connect, walls that protect, and seeds that grow the future. As you use these phrases, you are not just speaking; you are crafting the heart and soul of your home and your lives together. .

We’d love to hear from you! What are your magic mom words for creating connection, clarity, curiosity, and commitment for yourself and your family?

See Also: Developing Leadership Skills in Children:  11 Ways to Grow Grow Your Kids

Children’s Books on Leadership

About Kiersten Lortz

Kiersten Lortz is an accomplished coach, speaker, author, and musician. She is a purpose and productivity coach for working mothers of tweens through adults through her company, Possibilities Coaching and Consulting LLC, and the founder of Possibilities Conference, an annual event inspiring women to live boldly and authentically. Her Time To Thrive coaching program gives women a clear path to overcome the overwhelm and increase mental bandwidth. Kiersten holds a degree in Violin Performance and worked for 25 years as a professional performer and teacher. She enjoys cooking, baking, travel, reading, and studying Japanese. She and her husband, Tim, are the parents of four crazy kids and live in Maryland.

The post Magic Mom Words: Powerful Phrases to Move From Mayhem to Magic appeared first on Let's Grow Leaders.